Confessions of an Arranged Marriage

I have been having this inspiration for long!....me writing blogs...seemed like a distant thing to be...but looking at friends (preetz, thanks for being on the backburner on this) dishing out one masterpiece after another...i think i have picked up enough courage to write one myself!

Anyway, here goes...the topic of the day is the concept of arranged marriage...which almost all of us Indians have to go through (aka dread about, laugh about, cry about...whatever) sometime or the other in their lifetime...

In a gist, arranged marriage actually means...cutting out your heart (coaxing your mind), driving a hole into it (mentally breaking you)...feeding it some info (usually the fact that your love life has miserably ended!), patching up the hole, and stuffing it back into your body.

One might think...how do they do that????....the procedure is very simple and very funny (of course, funny for ur parents, u loser!)

the procedure??...here goes the steps...

1) Your parents persistently plead you into marriage, and one fine day you go bonkers and give in to their request (BIG MISTAKE NO.1). Your parents are thrilled at the prospect!! (and you, well, there is nothing in it for you!).

2) The next step is your parents need a recent photograph of yours (BLUNDER NO.1), to flaunt around (basically to show people who this hopeless loser is!).

3) Your horoscope is furnished and sent out to all relatives along with that photograph I was talking about earlier. All the relatives will gather upon you (aka loser) like vultures and am sure you wouldnt mind being real carcass to those vultures!

5) Then one fine day, a match occurs, your mom and dad feel there is a certain match, and a meeting takes place. This could happen two ways:
i) If your hopelessness is in india:
a) Now, hang on there...meeting means "parents talking to each other" and finding out how each other are....(supposedly to check the background and to check if their tradition matches!)
b) Then you get to meet the person...just as a formality to show off the two bakras...dont bother protesting....cos ur parents typical reply would be "shaadi ke baad u will learn to know the person more...look at us.." ....

ii) If your hopelessness is abroad:
a) your mom will call you up one fine morning and ask you to fly out somewhere and meet someone...(sample dialogues: "noone is forcing, just go and talk"; "seems from a good background, find out more and let me know what you think") ...and being the coward you are...you fly out to wherever...and meet the person (incase you didnt already realise yet, its still some random person)...

6) In the case that you happen to like the person and the family background is good (usually either/or there)....you are almost finished!...you will make a visit to the priest to decide a good time for engagement/marriage (CATASTROPHE NO.1)

7) Finally, you get married, everyone come and hog at the marriage, while you are sittin wiping your eyes (i think u are actually crying bcos of your ill fate...but put up excuses like "irritation from the fumes at the mandap!"....also, surprisingly, the priest has anti-fume eyes)

8) At the end of the day, you have your own house, a bunch of in laws (maybe)...and a completely random person who is sharing your room and your bed! (yikes!)

Maybe I have been far too critical in this matter...no offense meant...just tried to laugh about it for now...cos who knows i might tread this path in my life too!